We just returned from a family getaway to Disney World.  Not just any family getaway, but a very special occasion—my wife’s XXth birthday (actual digits omitted since I have solemnly sworn to never say that number out loud).  And while we had a great time in the Disney parks, the real highlight of this trip was the hotel.  We stayed at the Hilton Bonnet Creek, a new, upscale resort within the confines of the Disney property, not far from the Hollywood Studios (what they used to call the Disney-MGM Studios…musta been some kinda spat with MGM). 

Specifically, the one lifetime memory we will always relish from this once-in-a-lifetime occasion was not just the hotel, but the rooms themselves.  That’s right, rooms.  Plural. Although there are only three of us (myself, my wife and our 16-year old son) we were booked into two adjoining rooms…Rooms 1739 and 1745.  Room 1739 is a lovely (but standard) double room.  Room 1745 on the other hand…is The Presidential Suite.

Happy birthday, honey…from Hilton Hotels and your Diamond VIP husband.

The three of us spent four nights in a mile-long suite that you’d probably picture Michael Jordan or Paris Hilton staying in.  A room with three bathrooms, three flat-screens, five thermostats and six big picture windows overlooking the pool complex and golf course.

That’s what status will get ya. 

Believe me, as a family we’re not exactly Presidential Suite material.  Don’t get me wrong, we’re not the Clampetts, but we’re certainly not the Obamas, either.  But after a few years of loyalty to HHonors, we are occasionally treated to the ultimate in luxury and style.  And, in the ultimate of irony, it’s all on the house.

I wanna share a few VIP secrets with you here in the hope that some day, all this will be yours (what, the curtains?). My strong advice: Build your travel planning strategy around gaining status.  It really does matter. 

Here are five reasons why becoming a status-seeker makes total sense:

5. It’s a shame (almost a sin) to leave money on the table.
Four years ago when I started my current job and knew I’d be doing a lot of traveling, I committed the better part of a whole day to signing up for every airline, hotel, car rental and credit card rewards program there is.  All of ‘em. I made a promise to myself that from that point forward I was gonna take advantage of every point, perk and edge I could get.

But here’s the thing…like in “The Rookie,” when a guy suddenly realizes well into his 30’s that he can throw a 95mph fastball, he knows he’s wasted a lot of earning potential. 

Now that I finally get how rewarding status is, I can’t believe how stooopid I was to fail to cash in on all those points I should have been earning previously. I mean, I’ve been traveling my entire life.  And before my status epiphany, my lifetime redemption of bonus miles/room nights/loyalty points was a big fat zilch-o.  In recapping my lifetime travel itinerary, I’ve probably left a “first-class around-the-world trip for two” unclaimed.  Sad. 

Don’t do the same.  Take what’s yours.  The time required to sign up online for the average loyalty program is less than what it’s taking you to read this dopey blog posting.  An’ I ain’t givin’ y’all nothin’ (unless you count apostrophes).

When you look out any of the six picture windows in the Presidential Suite, you get this panoramic view of the resort that others are paying SO much to enjoy.

4. Your loyalty has tangible value.
If you take two or three trips a year, or if (like me) you take 30-40 trips a year, do whatever you have to do to keep using the same airline and the same hotel brand as frequently as possible.  Don’t flit from one chain to the next—your strategy should be to pick and stick.

Here’s the thing—when you travel for business, your company prefers it that way.  Most companies have what are called back-end deals with various airlines and hotel chains. If their employees rack up a certain threshold of business over the course of the year, the company gets some kind of incentive.  This isn’t just a win/win, it’s a win/win/win.  The company saves money on its travel budget, the airline gets a steady stream of business, and we worker bees get status that translates into free travel, upgrades and the occasional family retreat in the Presidential Suite. 

You might be amazed at what kinds of things can happen just because you signed up.  Even on your second or third trip, you might luck into an upgraded room, a free breakfast, or a “manager’s reception” (translation: free booze) just by giving the impression that you might become loyal over time.  Don’t ever hesitate to tell every desk clerk, reservations agent or assistant-to-the-regional-manager that you’re a card-carrying “Honors Rewards Club Plus” member.  Adopt just an ever-so-slight attitude of entitlement, and you can often bluff your way past at least the first velvet rope on your way to VIPville.

3. Travel is always a bit of a gamble, but status rigs the game in your favor.
If you’ve read any of my previous posts, you may recall that I love Vegas and casinos and gambling. But I know that every time I walk into a casino I am clearly the underdog.  That’s the way the house likes it.  And, of course, the house was built by…the house. 

Every time I walk through the automatic doors of the main terminal at IAD to begin another journey, I also know I’m entering a sort of “travel casino.” Things may go my way…or not.  Perhaps everything runs on-time-14, or perhaps my flight will be canceled and I’ll be scrambling before I even break free of Dulles airspace.  I might be getting upgraded to first class and dine on coq a vin, or I may end up shoehorned into a middle seat between those two fatso twins from the Guinness Book of World Records.  Maybe the hotel I booked will be as decent as it looked in the pictures, or perhaps in real life it’s a hole de’ shitte.  It’s always a bit of a gamble.

That’s where status comes in.  When you’ve reached the highest level of VIP status at whatever hotel chain you’re staying with, or whatever airline you’re flying…the odds shift dramatically. 

[LAWYER’S NOTE: There are no guarantees, nothing is ever absolutely certain, your results may vary, you may experience some side effects, including dizziness, dry mouth and tarry stools.]  But when you have status, the percentage of trips during which things go remarkably well increases exponentially.

The master bedroom of Room 1745.  The adjoining master bath has more marble than Caesars’ Palace.

2. It gets better, faster and easier as you go.
Here’s the secret you will eventually figure out—rising to the top of the status pile is so not fair.  As is the case with any third-world junta, the laws of the land are written to benefit those who are already benefitting. 

Virtually every airline, hotel and car rental program is built along the same philosophy—the more points/miles you earn, the higher percentage of extra bonus points you get piled on top.  For example, once you become a 1K on United Airlines (1K’s are customers who fly over 100,000 miles a year…which makes no sense, right…shouldn’t it be 100K?) you earn one bonus mile for every mile you fly.  So, a round-trip from IAD to Australia (about 19,000 flying miles) counts for almost 40,000 frequent flyer miles—which is well more than you need for a free trip anywhere in the continental US. 

You take one trip, they double the miles, you get one trip for free.  And the rich get richer.

BTW—make sure you keep an eagle-eye out for every additional bonus, perk and extra they offer.  Just about every airline and hotel program offers special incentives during their slowest periods (Jan 5th-March 15th for example, or the notoriously slow period between the week after Thanksgiving and the week before Christmas) as company executives panic over crappy low-occupancy projections.  Their panic equals your opportunity.  Read those emails they send you—they typically require that you register in advance for whatever promotion they’re hawking.  I sign up for all of them.  Even the ones I have no intention of participating in. Only good things can happen.

Two true stories:  1) I was checking my HHonors account back in December and saw that I received a 20,000-point bonus for staying in the same London hotel three times during the course of the 2009.  Did I even sign up for that one?  I have no memory of that. But if they offered it, I musta signed up. 

2) Last month I received an email from the GM at the Hilton Atlanta Airport thanking me for my recent three-night stay, and crediting my Diamond VIP account with an additional 10,000 bonus points just for being such a loyal customer.  Wow!  That was so nice of him.  I’ll have to thank him personally the next time I visit there.  Or (should I say) the first time…since I’ve never been in that hotel in my life, and haven’t even been in Atlanta since September of ‘08.  But Hilton is a huge corporation, and I’m just some schmoe…so…if they say I have, then who’s to argue?

I never stayed in a hotel room with an entry foyer.  Excuse me…foy-YEA.

1. It’s one of the best gifts you can ever give.
Having to travel a lot for business is as double-edged as swords get.  On one hand, it’s a rush to trot the globe—often enjoying the trappings of free, upgraded first-class luxury.  On the other hand, you end up spending a lot of time away from home and family.  Nothing takes the bubbles out of a glass of Dom faster than knowing you’re missing your kid’s playoff game. 

But status provides you with gifts that are meant to be shared.  The vacations, the weekend getaways, the “let’s go visit Nana and Grandpop” trips that you might think twice about if you had to pay with your own cash, become absolute no-brainers when they’re free.

No question hun, I would love to offer you a gift of four nights in the Presidential Suite for your (insert fake coughing sound)-th birthday.  But the “back of the door” rate for that room is $15,000 per night.  That’s a grand total of $60,000.  Our three cars didn’t cost that much.  So, if I’m paying with our own scratch, it’s probably gonna have to be Motel 6.  But if we’re paying with status, then you shall have Motel 60,000 as you richly deserve. 

It’s the least I can give you in exchange for all those nights I had to spend in Atlanta.

How about you?  Ever get anything cool for free as a result of your loyalty/status?

If you’ve been to Las Vegas even once, you know that while you may lose some money along the way (may, as in will) you’ll board the return flight at McCarren with something even more valuable than a big pile of dough—a big pile of stories.
 
I love to ask people about their “Vegas stories,” since it’s the one place where you can (can, as in will) completely abandon your sense of…sense.  Which is the basic ingredient in some of life’s best tales. 

But I’m always astounded when people tell me that even after their third, fourth, or millionth trip to Vegas, they’ve never been downtown.  If you’re not entirely familiar with the layout of Las Vegas, the Strip (where the majority of visitors spend their time/money/brain cells) is not actually in the downtown section of the city. Downtown Vegas is the area near where Main Street meets Fremont Street—home to “official Las Vegas” (City Hall, the Clark County Courthouse, etc.)—but now the core tourist area (formerly best known as Glitter Gulch) has been repackaged and rebranded as “The Fremont Street Experience”. 

To get there, it’s about a 15-minute, $20 cab ride from the center of the Strip, and if you’ve never been…it is a place you need to Experience. 

Here are five reasons why:

5. It holds as much significance in the history of America as Plymouth Rock.
It all started here.  Literally.  Fremont Street represents not just the birthplace of Vegas—not just the first place in America to legalize gambling, not just the original home of the World Series of Poker—but the genesis of the entire American tourism industry. 

31 million visitors come to Vegas every year, making it the #2 leisure travel destination in the US (only Times Square in NYC attracts more, at 35 million), and tourism is a significant contributor to the American economic engine.  Over 12 million US jobs are directly dependent on tourism, and 1 in every 8 jobs in this country (including construction, materials, supplies) is connected in some way to the tourism industry.  Of the 10 largest resort hotels in the world, 8 of them are in Vegas (the Venetian/Palazzo complex is the biggest with 7,117 rooms). 

And all of that began on Fremont Street with cowboys and Hoover Dam construction workers drinking whiskey, mingling with the local working gals and blowing their wages on the tumble of the dice. 

In many ways, all the other great tourist destinations in our country (Myrtle Beach, Branson, Nashville—hell, even Disneyland and DisneyWorld) owe a debt of gratitude to Glitter Gulch.

A 5-block section of Fremont Street has been covered over in a canopy that becomes a spectacular light show for 5 minutes at the top of each hour (from 6pm-midnight). All the other lights and neon signs in the area shut off, they crank up the tunes (usually classic rock, blasted at appropriate volumes) and the streets fill up like it’s an every-night New Year’s Eve. Definitely worth seeing.

4. It’s sleazy.  In a good way.
When you first visit some place you’ve been led to believe is elegant, lovely or even just decent…but what you actually find is older and rattier than it looked in the photos, it’s a huge disappointment. 

There’s nothing disappointing about downtown Vegas, since the whole reason for going is to intentionally take a walk on the sleazy side.  But I don’t mean sleazy as in unsafe and you’re gonna get rolled...

or…the only reason you’re even here in this neighborhood where you clearly don’t belong is because you’re a crack addict and this is where you can score some rock and now you’re busted in some sting operation and there’s a film crew from “COPS” here and your face is being mosaic-ed out on the Fox network.  Not like that at all. 

But more like a kind of let your guard down and loosen up for God’s sake sleazy that (in small doses) is both fun and even a little therapeutic.

On the Strip, they call it “gaming.”  Downtown, it is what it is.  Gamblin’.

3. If drinking’s your sport, you’ll be on your game here.
No one likes a refreshing cocktail more than yours truly, but if we’re all being honest with ourselves, the concept of drinking yourself blotto is pretty juvenile.  Amateur hour.  College stuff.  However, if you’d like to spend even just one nostalgic night reliving those glorious times, downtown Vegas is for you.  It’s America’s frathouse for all ages and education levels.  No SATs required.  It’s a place where boozy excess is not just tolerated, it’s mandatory. 

You are free to tote your drink of choice with you wherever you like as you stroll/stumble from one casino to the next.  Every third person you see on the street is carrying some kind of alcoholic souvenir.  Yard-long margaritas, football-sized beer steins, all manner of frozen concoctions and glow-in-the-dark shooters.  And those are the drinks people actually paid for.

If you’re gambling (even playing video poker one nickel at a time), the drinks are always on the house.  And off the hook.  For a tip of a dollar per round, they’ll keep ‘em comin’ as fast as you can sling ‘em back.  And in Vegas, last call every night is…a quarter after never.  Want a Jaeger bomb at 6:45am Sunday morning?  Here ya go.  Lemme know when you want another.

2. It’s the ultimate showcase for the Whitman’s Sampler of humanity.
You know what kind of people you don’t see in downtown Vegas?  Nobody.  The totality of the human race is on display here.  Million dollar businesspeople and down-to-their-last-Camel boxcar drifters.  College kids in hoodies, old folks in Hoverounds, lard-ass enormos eating fried Twinkies (a downtown specialty) and bags-o’-bones who look like they spend their meager incomes on meth instead of meat.  You’ll see people who’ve traveled from every continent on the globe to get here, and people who look like they were born in Vegas, never left, and will likely die right there.  Possibly tonight.

People watching?  You kidding me?  There’s no place better.  Stand outside The Four Queens for an hour and soak in the human parade.  Every race, every face, all in one place. That’s the greatest show on Earth.

40-foot-high Vegas Vic is the unofficial sheriff of Glitter Gulch.  Looks like he lost the neon off his pointin’ hand.  Probably in a poker game at Binion’s.

1. It’s the REAL Vegas.
The whole point of The Strip is to escape reality.  Billions have been spent creating these elaborate fantasies come to life, these impossible geography-shifts—the pyramids of Egypt, the Eiffel Tower, the canals of Venice, the Palace of Caesar—all right there one after another on Las Vegas Boulevard.  Don’t get me wrong, they’re all spectacles, they’re all cool, and you can/will have an amazing time at any/all of them.  But they’re all pretend. 

In stark contrast, downtown Vegas doesn’t pretend to be anything.  In fact, it doesn’t even pretend to be nice. Which, in many ways, is the nicest thing any place can be.  Real.  Utterly, unflinchingly, unapologetically real.

So the next time you’re in Vegas for a 4-day/3-night getaway, go ahead and spend one of your nights downtown.  It’ll be a night you’ll never forget.

Unless you wake up unable to remember anything.

How about YOU?  Got any Vegas stories?

Long plane rides suck.  There’s no getting around that.  And the trip from IAD to Australia is about as long as they come.  Door-to-door, from your own home until the moment you walk into the hotel lobby in Sydney, (including the mandatory connection at either LAX or SFO) it’s 24 straight hours of crampage and bleariness. I’m not gonna lie to ya…George Clooney glamorous it ain’t.  But like so many of the what-have-I-gotten-myself-into’s of life (home ownership, childbirth, agreeing to cook Thanksgiving dinner for the first time) the PIA factor is so neutralized by the reward. 

Four years ago, I never would have imagined that Sydney would be anything but “a place I’ve seen on TV, where they once had the Olympics.”  But last week, I just completed my fifth trip. And I already can’t wait for the sixth.  If you’re even just “barely thinking about perhaps maybe going some day,” lemme see if I can coax you one step closer to Dulles, where your long journey will begin.  You’ll be hating me at Hour 23, but thanking me at Hour 24-and-one-minute. 

Here are five reasons why it’s so worth it:

5. The single most amazing thing is that you’re actually there.
Once you unfurl from your travel-coma you will likely be swept away by an emotion you’ve never experienced before.  You’re as far away from home as you will ever be.  But what will really “get ya” is not how different Australia is, but how comfortable it is.  How could you possibly be “at home” in a place so distant?  But you will be. For me, it took…a little less than an hour.

Sydney Harbour is bookended by the Opera House on one side, and the Harbour Bridge on the other.  You can walk from one end of the bridge to the other for free, or for about $200 they’ll let you strap on a harness and walk across the top of the span. I’ve never done it, but my Mom has—and she continues to say it was among the single most amazing experiences of her life.  And if you knew my Mom…

4. Sydney is everything you could ever want in a major city.
How many places can you think of that combine dizzying architecture, waterviews everywhere you look, more mainstream and offbeat tourist attractions than any itinerary could ever hold, and palm trees in the middle of busy business intersections?  It’s a tropical version of Toronto.  It’s a sun-baked Seattle.  It’s Hong Kong without so many dead ducks hanging in windows.

But more than anything, Sydney is truly a world city (meaning, people from all nations are here, and all are welcome, including us ugly Americans).  Business, pleasure, dining, comfort, efficiency, transportation, infrastructure—nothing half-assed about any of it.

3. Sydney is, in fact, just one of the MANY fabulous places in Australia.
You could spend the rest of your life in greater Sydney, and never tire of it (in another life, I intend to try).  But one thing the locals will continue to ask is, “When are you going to see the REAL Australia?”  Melbourne, for example (the trip from Sydney roughly the same as IAD to Chicago) is another extraordinary city, perhaps even more culturally-aware, home to a google of great restaurants and a riverwalk that makes San Antonio’s look like a drainage ditch.  It is by no means “the second city” of Australia. 

Australia’s beaches are ridiculous.  Bondi (home of ass-kicking surfers, and ass-biting great whites) is one of the top-5 beaches on the planet.  Manly (a 30-minute ferry ride from Sydney) is the kind of laid-back beach town that immediately gets you to wondering whether you really could get away with ditching your corporate job, and earn a living renting umbrellas or running a flip-flop shop.

But take a pass on Perth.  Nice enough folks there, but as cities go, it’s kinda like all the parts of the Florida Panhandle that aren’t anywhere near the beach. Say no more.

As amazing as Sydney Harbour is, the Yarra River in Melbourne is every bit as visually dazzling.  Is this Australia’s second-coolest city?  It’s more like 1B to Sydney’s 1A.

2. The people are as cool and fun as the residents of any city in the world.
Turns out there’s a huge difference between “don’t worry, be happy” and “no worries, mate.” 

If you’ve been to the Caribbean, you’ve experienced that Island culture that’s all about being half-in-the-bag at 2 in the afternoon and letting the days melt into each other. Nothing wrong with that. 

But the Australian vibe is very different.  It’s much closer to cosmopolitan—there’s serious business (and serious wealth) going on here. And while the average suit-wearer takes his/her job very seriously, they just don’t take themselves quite so seriously.  There’s nothing braggadocious here, no sense of having to impress you with how impressive they are.  People work hard (and smart) from 9 to 5.  But at 5, it’s pub-time, mate.  Or beach-time.  And no one’s less ambitious or less successful than any of us US-type-A’s.  When are we finally going to learn?

Day or night, you can’t take your eyes off the damned Opera House.  Go ahead, try.  Like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction, it’s not gonna be denied, Dan.

1. Your worldview will open up in a way you could never imagine.
Once you’ve traveled as far as you can go, every other trip you take will somehow be less impressive as a result (certainly in terms of frequent flyer miles earned).  But that doesn’t mean you won’t wanna go to other places.  Just the opposite.  Traveling across the Pacific to the Southern Hemisphere—and being in a place where it’s constantly summertime, and the livin’ is easy—will make you wonder what else you’ve been missing all your life.

While your initial motivation for the stupidly-long trip may be to “finally check the Australia box,” I bet your bucket list will actually grow much longer as a result.

Which will only make you want to live longer.  Which is kinda the point, right?

HOW ABOUT YOU?  What’s the farthest you’ve ever traveled? Or, where’s the farthest place you WANT to go?