Father’s Day is rapidly approaching, which means that the media is full of nauseatingly helpful advice on the perfect gifts guaranteed to make the old man smile. In truth, most of us Dads don’t want gifts, really don’t need anything, and would probably just like a hug and the car washed. But that’s because us lucky ones do get great gifts from our kids, it’s just that the presents usually arrive when you least expect it and not because of a date on the calendar.
A while back, my family and I were vacationing for a week at the beach. One night while strolling down the boardwalk looking for a place to have dinner, we came across one of those open-air, picnic tabled, Tiki-torched eateries that seemed to overflow with local charm. We checked the menu posted near the entrance: hamburgers, chicken fingers, Caesar salads, our kind of food. And the prices were good; dinner for five wouldn’t be cheap, but nothing to break the budget. Being the frugal guy I am, I loved it.
Walking in, we were led not downstairs to the casual beachy section that had caught our eye, but upstairs, to a rather stuffy indoor fine-dining experience, replete with shiny artificial foliage and automated tropical birds. I started to smell a rat.
Once seated, I opened the menu with trepidation and scanned it. Now, I don’t know exactly where a Mahi-mahi comes from, but the one on the menu must have arrived in its personal limo. I shrugged.
By now, there wasn’t much I could do and I didn’t want to embarrass anyone.
But then my daughter spoke up.
“Everything here is way overpriced.”
She looked at my wife. “This isn’t the menu we saw outside.”
We realized that we had been admitted to the wrong part of the restaurant: the section where the culinary elite gladly fork over twelve bucks for a couple of cantaloupe wedges.
“I am not letting you pay this much for dinner,” my daughter added.
My younger son put down his menu. “At these prices, you’d think they’d have something I’d like.”
“What can we do?” I asked.
My older son joined in and immediately hatched a plan, something he called “the trickle.”
“We sneak out one at a time, then they won’t notice anything. I’ll even go first.”
My younger son suggested we just get up and leave, pointing out that they legally couldn’t stop us. My daughter proposed that we fake some sort of intestinal illness so the waiter would be glad to see us go.
Eventually, the kids just decided we’d make a run for it. So, we rose as one and bolted, eyes fixed on the door and the vision of financial freedom beyond. Almost knocking down our waiter who was coming out of the kitchen, I mumbled something about, “Kids, upset stomach, you know how it goes.”
Later, we found a little restaurant up the beach that made great Italian subs. Maybe I liked it so much because I enjoyed it with three kids who are happy to help save me a buck or two—or more—every once in a while and aren’t embarrassed to do it in a crowd. And really, who could ask for any gift better than that?
Be the first to post a comment about this entry! An Odyssey of a Different SortGetting out can open new horizons, sometimes ones we didn’t even know existed. A while back, my family and I were wrapping up a vacation to Ireland, and we stopped into Hodges Figgis, one of Dublin’s largest independent bookstores, to load up on reading material for the long flight back. The five of us have diverse reading requirements, so we scattered in different directions to browse. I moved quickly past the section sporting the current best sellers, which depressingly were the same books popular in the United States at that time. In search of more local fare, I turned to a salesman for a recommendation.
“What do you have that is the most representative of Ireland?” I asked.
Without saying a word he raised an eyebrow, smiled, and then motioned with his head to follow. We walked a bit, and he stopped in front of a section that was labeled simply, “James Joyce.”
I gawked at the impressive collection of books, which spanned a good ten feet of aisle space and rose at least six feet high with various shapes, sizes, and colors of what seemed to be every work ever produced by Ireland’s favorite literary son.
The salesman looked at me and said, “You’ll be wanting Ulysses.”
He handed me a copy and walked away. I immediately broke into a cold sweat.
According to my understanding, Ulysses is the undisputed number one English-language novel, at least according to numerous surveys and polls of the literary-minded. But, if I understood the novel’s reputation properly, its complete and total respect within the bookish community is rivaled only by its dense, wildly experimental, and to be blunt, utterly incomprehensible prose. Standing in that Dublin bookstore, which I would later find out was mentioned by name in chapter three of Ulysses, I knew that I couldn’t walk away from this challenge. I bought the book for a little over eleven Euros.
Eager to capitalize on my wave of enthusiasm for all things Irish, on the plane ride home I worked my way through the first chapter. However, upon landing, I felt more Joyce-lagged than jet-lagged: I had less understanding about the plot and its characters that I had on take-off.
It was clear that I could not do this alone. A few days later, I went to the local bookstore and picked up CliffsNotes’ On Joyce’s Ulysses.
I settled into a routine after that. First I would read the CliffsNotes chapter, then read the chapter in the book—most often slowly and with many fits and starts—then re-read the CliffsNotes, and then search the Internet for any additional insights. Finally, when needed, I would re-read the Joyce chapter. Sometimes I was deeply disturbed how much I had missed in my reading, and sometimes I was amazed by how much I thought there was to say that others didn’t mention at all.
It took me about two months to finish the book, and when I was done, I felt that I had accomplished something. But in truth, the effort left me unsettled and with more questions than answers.
1) How was it possible that for a book that everyone knows about, I have not met anyone who has actually read it? My efforts to start up a discussion both during and after reading this book is universally met with blank stares. More interesting is that no one even bothers to fake it, but all blithely announce that they have not read the book and that frankly they have no intentions of ever doing so.
2) Why was it that in all the writings and analysis about Ulysses I come across on the internet, the same two or three examples always show up in the so-called literature and those are nit-picked to death, while vast sections of the book seem to be completely ignored? This lead me to conclude that many people who have claimed to have read the book have only really read small portions of it, or perhaps even did nothing more than write up their insights after reading other people’s insights (or maybe even CliffsNotes).
3) Perhaps, most important, in the face of these truths, why was this book so popular among the literati? It’s decidedly not easy to read—don’t let anyone tell you different—and after my experience, it’s clear that one cannot simply sit down and read it cover to cover and still expect to get much out of it. There’s too much detail and inside information that was only known in a single place at a single time to a limited group of people. In reality, it takes work, study, and a commitment to understand the words on the pages within the context of when it was created and by whom.
With Ulysses enthusiastically completed, I have stored it away in the bookshelf downstairs, but I like to think that I carry a piece of it with me. Maybe, I’ve learned a bit about what makes a novel great: it’s not just strong characters or action-packed plots, it’s about good ideas, and understanding those ideas requires a commitment by the reader to respect the passion and urgency with which the author set down the words. I hope I can keep that in mind as I read other books that one day may deserve to be considered classics.
Besides the larger expeditions, I like to quick walks around the neighborhood. My wife knows that when I get that look, I am already half way out the door. I find that if I bring my camera, it’s a great excuse: people think I’m are being productive. It’s a great scam, plus, I get some cool shots every now and then. Here are a few of my recent favorites:
| The major snows of January: seems like only yesterday we were up to our waists shoveling snow. |
| Standing here on a normal day is not possible, Today, I had the road to myself. |
| I didn’t want to disturb them. |
| You can’t miss with a fall shot. It’s almost too easy. |
| Flowers—not mine—in abundance. |
| Had to stop for a minute, at least. |
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